Monday, July 30, 2012


This is a story in several parts. As you might be able to surmise, it is ridiculous.

1. I met a girl, R, back in about March-ish — yes, the online dating thing (from which I'm taking a break, possibly permanently) — and we went out a few times. Things ultimately didn't work out romantically, but we stayed friends.

2. In April, R mentioned that she wanted to play baseball (i.e., slo-pitch) this summer, and hey, do you happen to know any teams that need a player? Turns out ours did; we're a co-ed team and we have to have a certain number of women on the field at all times, so I put R in contact with the people who run the team.

Now, I know what you're thinking: J, you asshole, you're dumber than a pillowcase full of Lego blocks. Why would you do this? The answer is, I don't know. Maybe I was drunk. Anyway, for the majority of this season, it's been very non-awkward, much to my surprise.

3. This past weekend a bunch of us on the team played in a tournament in Brantford on Saturday and Sunday. Most of those people stayed in a hotel in Brantford on both Friday and Saturday nights, as to facilitate drinking; I drove up myself instead on Saturday morning and stayed at my brother's place a short drive away, mostly because (a.) it's free, (b.) it's moderately fun, (c.) I don't get to see him and my niece quite as often as I'd like, and (d.) to be honest I don't really hang out with the rest of the people on my team a lot.

Let me qualify that last one a bit. I genuinely like everyone on the team. Lovely people, solid teammates, good camaraderie. We just don't happen to hang out together, socially; we run in different circles, I guess you could say. R, on the other hand, is blending in well.

4. I was chatting on Facebook today with R, and we were discussing some events from the weekend. Eventually it came out that she thought I was very "negative," I see the world as black-and-white, and that I didn't know how to talk to women. I disagree with each of these.

To the first charge: I would definitely say that I'm an analytical person. It's in my nature to take things apart, see what's going on, and if I don't like it, I'll tell you how I feel about it. Sometimes that's not going to turn out positively, because the world isn't all sunshine and roses. However, if I've learned one thing from my job in the past dozen years, it's how to be diplomatic about it. I would not say that, on the whole, that I exude negativity.

To the second charge: I wholeheartedly disagree. Yes, I see some things as definite — Nickelback sucks, beer is delicious, baseball is fun — but I'm definitely a shades-of-grey, grain-of-salt kind of guy. Life is a set of nuances, and devils lie in details.

To the third charge: I didn't really know how to talk to R, because she's a decade younger than I am. (For the record, she first contacted me; I rolled with it because frankly it was pretty flattering and I wanted to see how it'd go, but after a while I could see it just wasn't going to work.)

5. Perhaps most irritatingly, R did these two things on Facebook:
5a. Posted a vague, passive-aggressive status update along the lines of, "People who have too much negativity in their lives don't belong in mine" — which is worthy of perhaps a 14-year-old girl's diary.
5b. Didn't de-friend me, but made it so that I couldn't see anything except her most basic info, which essentially does the same thing.

In any other situation, I'd de-friend this person on FB and probably never talk to them again. But... y'know, we're on a baseball team together, through mid-September. And possibly next season. So, as much as I'd love to fire off one hell of a kiss-off email and dust my hands of the whole matter... R and this asshole still occasionally have to throw a sphere to each other.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

One-sentence random thought #18.

Sometimes you dodge a bullet, and you don't realize it until much, much, much later.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012


So I'm watching the annual snoozefest that is the Major League Baseball all-star game, and because it's an American national suck-and-fuck, they trot out "God Bless America".

That may be the song I hate the most on planet Earth.

. . .

Yes, I'd rather listen to Eminem rap. I'd rather listen to Inuit throat-singing (which is actually pretty interesting). I would rather listen to the recent hit song by the North Korean dictator's — er, Supreme Leader — rumoured mistress, a married pop star who climed the DPRK charts with this little toe-tapper entitled "Excellent Horse-Like Lady".

I assume something got lost in the translation; it's probably high praise in that language/society to say someone works like a horse, or has the disposition of a horse, or something along those lines.

Still makes for a pretty funny and easy joke, though — which is exactly what we specialize in, around here.