Friday, April 20, 2012

Teachers say the darndest things.

I work with a fantastic group of people. Our department has really come together in the past couple of years — there's a good mix of younger and older, guys and girls, funny and (usually-)straight-laced. What that means is that, at any time, something crazy can be said by pretty much anyone. Here are a few snippets.

Gender key:
guys = J (me), R, D, C
gals = W, A, F, P, V, G

* * * * *
(this morning, in the department office)

W: I'm texting A [currently on leave but comes in to supply-teach often] and telling her [jokingly] she's a bitch.
J: Oh hey, while you're texting A, can you ask her if she can come in for me when I'm away on the 4th?
W: Sure, no problem.

(later that day)

W: I texted A and said that you wanted to have sex with her on the 4th.
J: Dammit! That's the last time I ask you to pass on a message.
W: What can I say, I have a mischievious streak a mile wide.

* * * * *
(after last class ended, in my classroom)

J (to student I don't teach but who knows kids that I do teach): So did you do the frog dissection last semester?
Student: Yeah, I did. We goofed around a bit, though.
J: Oh? Why'd you do that?
Student: I don't know. But R [his teacher] told me to stop messing around or he'd kick my ass.

* * * * *
(this morning on the way to work, after picking up D at the subway station)

D: Did you hear about that teacher in California who was fired because she did a porn flick, years before she became a teacher?
J: I did! Wow, guess you're a little more nervous now, eh?
D: Nah, there's a double-standard for men and women. W, on the other hand, she's gotta be on pins-and-needles over this.

* * * * *
(before school last week, in the department office, several people around)

F, to me: I swear, I have two talents in this world. One is baking, and the other... I don't even really know what the other one is.
W (while writing, not even looking up): ...BJ's?

* * * * *
(today during lunch, in the department office)

C: Have you ever seen those balls that hang down from the trailer hitches of pickup trucks?
J: Yeah, they're called "Truck Nutz". They're ridiculous.
V: Oh yeah, those. I fully expect my husband to have a set of 'em on his truck anytime now. I think the blue ones are funny.
* * * * *
(this morning, department office)

J: I dunno, man. I'm a little nervous about doing this dissection today. I've never done one with a class before.
C: Well, yeah, I can see that. It's really not so bad.
(G walks into office; C doesn't see her)
C: It's alright to be nervous your first time. You know, like losing your virginity.
G: Wow, I really walked into that at the wrong time.

* * * * *

We also have a quote-wall up on a somewhat-obscured part of the department office, in case students come in. Some of the saltier ones that come to mind:

P: "It's like Viagra for your pie."
R: "Literacy's our bitch. We're riding her hard and putting her away wet."
C (to W and A): "I'm like the sexier version of both of you."
P (after bringing in some fancy mixed nuts): "These aren't just your ordinary nuts here."

What can I say, it's a good group.

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