Thursday, December 22, 2011

Oh, teenagers.

First off, a bit of Informal South Scarberian dialect to pass on to you:

facety (fās' tē) adj.
combative, argumentative, in one's face
e.g. "Leave me alone, don't be so facety."

Secondly, this story goes under the "Wow, kids can be exceptionally stupid" file. It happened to a colleague of mine yesterday, who is not one for exaggeration.

The student, who we will call "H" for anonymity's sake, was in a class yesterday with a supply teacher, who is one of our normal full-time teachers who's on a leave of absence this year doing her master's, but comes back frequently to supply on her days off to make a little cash.

The class which contains H is really quite a sight: a good majority of the complete and utter assholes of H's year — and, boy-howdy, there's a lot of 'em — somehow all ended up in the same room. It really is like that scene in The Usual Suspects where all these criminals are in the same holding cell, and naturally they start to plan a crime to commit when they get out.

Shockingly, though, yesterday they were actually being productive and completing the work that their regular teacher left behind for them... except H, who tried his best to let his inner a-hole-ness shine through a little more than it often does. For reference, H is black, and his family comes from Jamaica (although he was born here).

According to our intrepid supply teacher, H spent most of the class dicking-around and not doing a whole lot of anything. But, eventually he decided it'd be more fun to do the following:
  • use a computer in the room to shop for $200 sneakers
  • berate another student in the room for having "Wal-Mart sneakers"
  • make fun of Africans in general, and Nigerians in particular, by...
    • making monkey noises, and
    • imitating Zulu war dances
When the supply teacher confronted H about his racist and insane behaviour, he justified it as such (in a paraphrased way):

H: "Well, I'm black, so I can make fun of Africans. It's okay."
Teacher: "You know your ancestors came from Africa, right?"
H: "No they didn't! There's no way they did." (Presumably, he thought they were "only" from Jamaica, and didn't know/care how they got to Jamaica in the first place.)

(I'll give you a hint: most of them didn't end up in Jamaica of their own free will.)

So, what we have here is a case of terminal stupidity. Apparently the supply teacher attempted to give H a little history lesson, but he just wasn't believing any part of it. And even if he did believe it, he's still an idiot: because he's black he can make fun of any black person, in incredibly racist ways? That's like me mercilessly ripping on the Scots and Irish, which I'm pretty obviously descended from, and then denying my ancestors came from there but saying, "oh, it's okay, because I'm white I can rip on 'em."

Me: "Those cheap motherfucking Scots and those drunk Irish assholes. And don't get me started on people from the north of England!"
Someone: "Uh... isn't your family all from there, many generations ago?"
Me: "Fuck no! Not a damn chance. Don't you worry about this blond hair and my blue eyes and this pale-ass skin. I'm totally not-Celtic. At all."
Someone: "Really? You kinda look like it."
Me: "Hellz-no, dawg. Not in the least. But have you ever seen them on your box of Lucky Charms? What a little gay fag queer that leprechaun is! But it's alright, I'm white."

So, in the end, some kids are idiots. Most are alright, but some are just really, really, really stupid. As H's teacher puts it, "Most kids, even the ones you have that drive you crazy, have at least one redeeming quality. H has absolutely none."

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