Saturday, August 28, 2010

Oh, that Glenn Beck.

You know he's nuttier than a tractor-trailer full of fruitcakes. This much has been clear for years, so I won't bother to tell you that.

If you hadn't heard, Mr. Beck was planning a rally for today, August 28, at the Lincoln Memorial. This is also the anniversary of Martin Luther King giving his "I Have A Dream" speech — apparently unbeknownst to Beck — and Al Sharpton had already planned for a rally on the same day, in a different part of that whole Lincoln Memorial/Reflecting Pool complex dealie they've got going on down there.

As you might expect, Beck didn't cancel or move or postpone his to-do. Nope, giving in is un-American, and if there's one thing Beck doesn't want to be, it's un-American. He can be — and often is — a buffoon, a racist, a misogynist, a moron, a religious zealot, a fearmonger, a liar, and a history-distorter, amongst other things. But don't you dare call him un-UhMURRicun. Beck also called the coincidence of him magically scheduling his rally on the same day as MLK's speech anniversary "divine providence." If there's a God/god/gods, if-and-when you meet Her/Him/Them/them, ask about this one.

Also, as you might expect, Beck didn't disappoint at his rally, in terms of giving unintentionally-hilarious hum-dingers we can feast upon. Dive into these tasty morsels, if you will:

"Something beyond imagination is happening. America today begins to turn back to God."
Turning back? You mean it was a country full of atheists and agnostics all this time?

"Recognize your place to the creator. Realize that he is our king. He is the one who guides and directs our life and protects us."
Two things. One, you declared independence of a king over 200 years ago. Two, the oh-so-precious Founding Fathers — rich slave-owners, the lot of 'em — weren't too heavy on the Christian thing.

"I ask, not only if you would pray on your knees, but pray on your knees but with your door open for your children to see."
Just be sure to close the door so they don't watch you fuckin'. That might scar a kid for life... so I'm told.

"Go to church. Restore America with peace."
This was what a Beck-rally-attender shouted at the Sharpton rally. Yes, a rally led by The Reverend Al Sharpton was told to go to church. That is, very literally, "preaching to the choir."

There were others, I'm sure. I had better things to do today than to watch it live on TV: namely, I had to do anything else which didn't involve me inserting my penis into a burlap sack of broken glass.

(No offence intended, if you're into that sort of thing.)

Y'know, I hope Sarah Palin wins the Republican nomination for President in 2012. I really do.

1 comment:

lauries said...

Smells like Patriot Tears!