Sunday, August 02, 2009

An open letter to the Toronto Transit Commission.

Dear Mr. TTC,

I had the misfortune of being a person in Toronto last night who was attempting to get home to their apartment in a different part of Toronto, because that's where I live. The idea of paying $25 for a taxi did not appeal to me, and as a bit of a lefty bleeding-heart post-capitalist utopianist, I surmised that public transportation would be the most socially-responsible and environmentally-friendly way of schlepping my drunk ass home.

In case you are unaware of the laws of this province, bars stop serving alcohol at 2:00 am. Now, since the stated objective of a bar is to serve alcohol, most patrons will in fact leave the bar at said time (also known as "last call"), as their night out is probably drawing to a close. In this city, that often means a trip on some sort of TTC vehicle.

Also, in case you have never been south of Davisville in your life, the downtown area has many, many establishments that stop serving alcohol at the aforementioned time. This means there are many, many people wanting to use your service, beginning at approximately 2:00 am and ending some hours later. Most of these people live outside of downtown, owing to the lower rent, fewer vermin infestations, and a marked decrease in the number of batshit-insane people roaming the streets asking if you're the Second Coming of Charles Nelson Reilly, found therein.

I realize that, in the early 1990s, last call at bars was 1:00 am; having the last subways leaving Bloor/Yonge at 1:50 am made sense. However, since the Rae adminstration, the subways end at the same time, but people are out later. Subways can carry a much greater number of people, in comparison to buses, even if they are run at 10-minute intervals.

So, when I try unsuccessfully to board a Bathurst bus headed north because it was packed, and then decide to go up to Bloor to catch a bus that (I hoped) would come by more frequently, only to have to wait in front of Honest Ed's for half an hour to eventually be able to squeeze into one of your wheeled vehicles in the middle of the night, and then to have a fight break out between two drunk, angry, crowded riders three feet in front of me, which caused the bus to be delayed for several minutes (neither rider shown the door for their transgression, which leads me to believe that Elton John was right, and that Saturday night is indeed "right for fighting," especially on a bus) — not to mention the unexplained ten-minute stoppage at Jarvis for no apparent reason other than "I'm the bus driver, and I like to sit here and watch the pretty lights change colour, wheeee!!!" — and then have to wait twenty minutes to transfer onto the Pape bus northbound so I could get within an eight-dollar cab ride back to my apartment because Bayview apparently isn't a major-enough street to get anything close to reasonable bus service at night, I'm gonna be pissed off that it took me two hours to get from Bathurst/Dundas to Bayview/Davisville.

I could have walked it faster. I probably could have crab-walked it faster, as well.

I'm just glad I used a free day-pass that a friend gave me, so it didn't cost me anything (save for the cab ride at the end).

You suck,


PS: Do you know anyone who might be able to hook me up with some cheap slugs that I could use to fool subway turnstiles? That would rule. Thanks in advance.


Anonymous said...

Dude I seriously almost spit out my cereal this morning read this, especially after seeing the word "hellrides." Dude that is so awful. Can you please send this letter as is to the TTC? It's so absurd they haven't extended service hours but I'll bet if someone did, the TTC would cry and go on strike again.


Eve said...

Comment #1: it takes me too hours to get home every single day on the TTC, and that's shortened from 3 hours because I hitch a ride by car for some of that. So boo hoo.

Comment #2: That's a bunch, John Baird, for trying to kill Transit City. In your own words, you can fuck off. I'm just quoting.

Eve said...

BTW, that's "two hours." I am jet lagged, that is my excuse.