Tuesday, April 07, 2009

A short letter to Jim Leyland.

To: Jim Leyland (Manager, Detroit Tigers)
From: JTL (Long-Time Fan, Detroit Tigers)
Re: The Tuesday Night Shit-Show

Mr. Leyland,

I just wanted to drop you a quick line vis-à-vis that horrendous excuse for an eighth and ninth inning I witnessed approximately an hour ago.

Brandon Lyon is only your closer because I have a day job and turned down the offer. He barely had half a season in Arizona last year; the other half he did his best impression of an arsonist, pouring gasoline on an already raging fire time after time in the late innings. Dave Dombrowski needed a closer; I couldn't get a leave of absence from my gig, so he threw money at Lyon and, well, here we are.

Closers these days are pampered. They go three outs, except if their name is Mariano Rivera, and only if it's October. Translation: only the best closers in the game will go four or five outs, and buddy, you ain't got one of 'em.

Bobby Seay manhandled the lefty you sent him out to get (Travis Snider). He threw, what, three pitches? He may be a so-called "lefty specialist," but that doesn't mean he can't ever pitch to a righty (Marco Scutaro, who could never in anyone's dreams be mistaken for Mickey Mantle — hell, he's a poor-man's Mickey Morandini). The second you brought in Brandon Lyon, I knew we were finished.

That's why I left SkyDome, disgusted, after Scott Rolen hit that single to right that pushed the pinch-runner over to third. I didn't need to see the ending; I knew exactly what would happen, and it did. Mr. Leyland, you made the one-dollar hot dogs the best thing about tonight's game.*

Yours in disgust,


* I had three.

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