Monday, September 22, 2008

The circus is in town.

It's not often that I agree with quasi-right-wing morning radio host John Derringer on anything — he leads the crew on Q107 — but his recent analysis of Canadian electoral politics was pretty much spot-on:

"Clowns. The whole bunch of 'em. Every last party leader."

He then waxed nostalgic about the '70s, when you had Trudeau and Stanfield duking it out; Robert Stanfield was often called "the best Prime Minister that Canada never had," which isn't exactly something one could say about Gilles Duceppe, is it?

So, let's take these Bozos, one by one, and figure out what can be done.

Harper: Smarmy, robotic, charisma-free, blisteringly devoid of what anyone might mistake for human emotion. Ultra-radical right-wing agenda tucked neatly under navy sweater-vest. Said in 2007, "Kyoto is essentially a socialist scheme to suck money out of wealth-producing nations." Combs devil-horns seamlessly into Legoland-man haircut.

Dion: Speaks English half as well as Chrétien and with about 14% of the passion. Good head on his shoulders, but can't seem to get ideas out of it. Might be a good leader. Might not be. Who knows? At least he knows stuff about the environment, which really should be taking more headlines in this election than it currently is.

Layton: Make all the pornstache jokes you like; I sure have over the years. Has about as much chance to get elected as I have fathering Ellen Page's child (and I routinely expose my gonads to x-rays for shits-and-giggles). Would form a good opposition... oh, wait a minute, did I just think what I just thought? Liberal-NDP coalition government! Worked in Ontario in the '80s; why not now? I am a genius.

Duceppe: Communicates ideas more effectively than Dion. Irony duly noted.

May: I like the cut of her jib. Taking a train across the country; walks the talk by riding the rails. I hope Blair Wilson gets re-upped; we need Greens in the House. Bad.

If my riding wasn't so damn close — if one riding in the 416 goes blue, it'll be mine — I'd probably go Green or NDP. Hell, why not Communist? They have a candidate in DVW, someone named Catherine Holliday. At least they stand for something, right?


Duder said...

Green! Green!

JTL said...

Not in DVW, Duder. We need every non-Conservative vote to be focused like a laser beam. In the future sometime, perhaps; nowadays, we've got bigger a fish to fry, and his name is John Carmichael.

kelly o! said...

Layton has stated that he's open to the idea of a NDP-Liberal coalition (of course), but Dion's shut it down (of course).

I have a group presentation in my arts policy course on the NDP tomorrow with regards to the party's position with regards to the arts and culture.