Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Move over, Ellen Page.

At various points in recent history, I have proclaimed assorted women to be the next Mrs. JTL:

1. Oga Nwobosi

Weather Network personality, future mother to our caramel-coloured (and possibly -flavoured) children, lanky Vancouverite. Any woman who knows the difference between a cold front and an Alberta Clipper scores highly in my books. However, all good things must come to an end, as my infatuation over Ms. Nwobosi was traded-in for...

2. Ellen Page

It took me a while to find an image of Ms. Page that didn't make her look like she was eleven, lest you might think I'm some sort of pedophile (which is somewhat frowned-upon in my line of work, even moreso than it is in society in general). Granted, here she looks like she could be Miley Cyrus' younger cousin, but hey, she and I could get married today without her parents' consent.

Now, while Ellen Page's razor-sharp wit and Cheshire-cat smile certainly do appeal to a fellow, try these criteria on for size:
  • tall, leggy blonde
  • experience in war zones
  • incredibly sexy accent
  • occasional casual profanity
If you guessed CBS News' Chief Foreign Correspondent Lara Logan, you are most certainly correct. She was on the Daily Show last night, and while Wikipedia currently suggests she's married to a British professional basketball player, (a.) those Brits are wankers anyway, and (b.) I can change Wikipedia to show she's actually my wife. Long live open-source knowledge!

Alas, Ellen, it was a fun ride while it lasted, but I guess I was looking all along for a girl who's spent a good percentage of the past few years dodging gunfire in places like Baghdad. What have you done? Played make-believe for money, far as I can tell. And that doesn't make you a woman; that makes you a fiction-whore.

So, world, I give you Lara Logan, Future Mrs. JTL (June 2008 edition):

I figure it'll be four months, tops, before Lara moves into my place. Maybe five if the Iraq insurgency gets freaky again.

1 comment:

Middle_America said...

Gotta admit, she looks hot and doesn't look like Cyrus's younger cousin. (smile)