Monday, May 26, 2008

I got paid to do this.

My job works out pretty well sometimes. Today was one of those days: I took my physics class to Canada's Wonderland to do experiments on the rides.

Naturally, I got a comped ticket. I love the word "comped" — not only is it a great-sounding word, it's a great-feeling feeling when you get something for free that other suckers totally pay money for. Suckers!

Some observations:

1. I rode The Behemoth, a roller coaster whose highest point is far higher than the Drop Zone. Good christ this thing is (a.) big, (b.) fast, (c.) scary as shit, and (d.) awesomely awesome.

2. No matter how well you plan things with your classes, some moron is going to screw it up. "Meet at Thing X at 4:30," you say. Very clearly, several times. Where do they meet? Outside the fucking main gates, to the tune of, "But sir, I could've swore you said to meet out by the buses!"

3. Teenage girls use outings to Wonderland to hooch themselves up pretty thoroughly. Obviously I'd never go there in a million years, but even though I'm decent and upstanding, I'm not blind.

4. I don't remember teenage girls having tits that big that often when I was a teenager myself. In some sad, sad way, I'm almost envious of teenage guys having that kind of a visual smorgasbord available to them, and this is where i reallyreallyreally have to stop this train of thought.

...although it does remind me of a skit I saw on this past Saturday Night Live (a repeat which Ashton Kutcher capably hosted): four guys are sitting around a table, reminiscing to the song Amie by country-rock band Pure Prairie League. Part of the conversation is as follows.

Guy #1: You know who this song reminds me of?
Guy #2: Amie?
Guy #1: No, Courtney.
Guy #3: Oh yeah! Did you ask her out?
Guy #1: Yep, I finally worked up the courage. Got turned down cold.
Guy #4: Wow, really?
Guy #1: She said she'd never go out with me. Said she heard I was a pedophile.
Guy #2: You don't say!
Guy #1: I know! I told her, "'Pedophile'? That's a pretty big word for a ten-year old!"

I hope it made you laugh half as hard as I did.

2 comments:

Eve said...

You, sir, are a dirty old man. And why would girls hooch themselves up for Wonderland? I would be worried that my boobs would pop out on Jet Scream.

BTW, I need to ride this Behemoth thing. So far The Bat is the only ride that's been truly exhilarating.

Renee said...

Oh, you noticed that too? I think there's something in the milk.