Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Expert Iraq analysis.

I just had to share this.

Last night on the Daily Show, ex-US Marine, ex-Saturday Night Live Featured Performer and current DS correspondent Rob Riggle summarized the report from the US Government Accountability Office entitled "Combatting Terrorism: The United States Lacks Comprehensive Plan to Destroy the Terrorist Threat and Close the Safe Haven in Pakistan's Federally Administered Tribal Areas". (Apparently the GAO doesn't like brief titles.) Riggle summed up the report thusly:

Lemme just give you the Cliff Notes, okay? In 2001, there was a memo: Bin Laden Determined to Attack the United States from a Safe Haven in Afghanistan. And now, 700 billion dollars later, we get a new memo: Bin Laden Determined to Attack United States from a Safe Haven Around Afghanistan. We're right back where we started! We could've gotten here by doing nothing!

I knew it! I knew this motherfucker didn't know where he was going. I mean, all of us were in the back seat. America was just in the back seat, y'know, acting like, "Uh, I don't think this is the way to defeat al Qaeda." And he's like [flipping into a Dubya impersonation], "I know what I'm doin', heh-heh! I know a shortcut through I-raq! Everybody, c'mon now, just trust me, heh-heh!"

We're all like, "I don't know, maybe we should ask for directions, y'know. I'm pretty sure al Qaeda's the other way." And he's like, "Shut up! Shut up! What the hell! I'll dump your ass, goddammit! You're just like your mother! Get your hand off the radio dial!"


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