Monday, February 11, 2008

Maintain professionalism. Maintain.

My job is ridiculous sometimes.

Submitted for your perusal/amusement/bemusement:

8:58 am

One of my students, R, comes into class a couple of minutes before the morning bell, mildly flustered. She is having what is known in the business as a "zipper malfunction" — she zipped her winter coat up all the way, and at the very top, part of the zipper separated and became stuck, while the teeth became unfastened from the bottom-up, leaving her coat stuck around her neck (and only her neck).

After a very awkward O Canada spent with the entire class giggling (including R and me), I went into our equpiment room and grabbed a set of pliers and a set of vise-grips, to work the thing loose. No dice; the thing was jammed in there tighter than a flock of grandmas at a clearance sale at Cardigans "R" Us.*

In desperation, I grabbed a pair of scissors and nimbly cut the stuck zipper loose, with minimal damage to the rest of the coat. I remarked that this was the sort of thing that an elementary-school caretaker has to do all the time (or maybe it was just mine).

9:09 am

The zipper unstuck and the morning announcements finally over, the class — 28 very active 14- and 15-year-olds — is still abuzz. In amongst the commotion, one of the students asks me, "Sir, have you ever seen '2 Girls 1 Cup'?"

Think about this for a minute.

How are you supposed to respond to this question? And quick, do it in three seconds.

. . .

Time's up. Responses are due... now.

. . .

Couldn't think of anything appropriate, could you? Well then, welcome to my world. I said, "Come on, keep it clean in here" — which means, of course, that I knew perfectly well what it was. Naturally, I didn't think this through before I spoke. Luckily, most of the rest of the class is pretty nerdy/geeky, so I doubt they caught on.

10:26 am

Explained to my second-period class what the definition of "addiction" is, and why my lack of caffeine so far in the day is giving me a major case of the blahs. Did a quick survey to see how many 14-year-olds in the room drink coffee or tea or neither; it was about a third for each.

In unrelated news, Starbucks stock shot up six points upon hearing this news.

11:08 am

"Sir, is this a cell undergoing mitosis?"

[I look in the microscope]

"That's actually a piece of dust."

11:58 am

Realized that a change in the scheduling of an assembly has totally screwed my lesson plans up for the next three days.

* * * * *

In other news, I rediscovered Yes' Fragile album. Wow.
* Love you, Grandma T!


ecb said...

This is one of my favourite posts. Oops, I mean favorite now.


Eve said...

Yes rules. And I'm glad I've never seen 2 girls 1 cup.