Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Hey you.

Yeah, you.

Wanna come drinkin'?

I turn 30 on Friday, November 30th. This means it's my "champagne birthday." It also means I must get stupendously drunk and forget that I'm a year closer to my death. Drink up, assholes!

I'm guessing this get-together will be somewhere on Bayview, south of Eglinton — that is, within stumbling-distance of my apartment. You are invited if you:
  • drink
  • don't drink, but enjoy watching people drink and/or paying for other peoples' drinks
  • can read this
  • can't read this, but are smart/wily enough to trick someone into reading this to you
  • have a pulse
  • don't have a pulse, but are confident that paramedics can "zap your ticker" after you finish your beer
  • ...okay, fine, the beer after that one
  • know me
  • don't know me, but are
    1. a supermodel
    2. who wants to experience my renowned "nineteen seconds of drunk screwin' and then J passing out" routine
    3. and won't mind if I call you "Doris" during our vigorous lovemaking, regardless of your actual name
So, all in all, it should be a magical evening. If this sounds like a worthwhile way to spend a Friday night, you know how to contact me.


Anonymous said...

I'm a triple threat - I can read, drink, AND I have a pulse! ECB will bring the ITIS next Friday.

Dan said...

Keep on truckin', J!