Revenue Canada can lick my balls.
Have you ever tried to change your address on their website? If not, I'll give you a brief summary of the process.
- Sign up for a Government of Canada "ePass". Sounds nifty, doesn't it? Doing this, that and the other menial task in the comfort of your pyjamas and your home office, coffee in hand, sun streaming in the window? Yeah, well, if that was the case, this numbered list would stop at 1. But it doesn't.
- Forget your username and password because really, how often do you change your address? Far less often than you log in to www.hothotgrannysex.com, which is why you have that password memorized but not this one.
- Get frozen out of the website for 24 hours because you attempted to log in 5 times with 5 different combinations of common usernames and passwords you use on other sites, hoping against hope that you'll hit the jackpot.
- Wait 24 hours.
- Find the scrap of paper upon which you wrote your username and password for this stupid website and successfully log in. Ignore the error message that says "You are not using Mozilla Firefox 1.0.6, continue?" because you're using a version much, much greater than 1.0.6, and Revenue Canada needs to be welcomed into 2004.
- Do not, repeat, do not find an easily-clickable link that says Change your address here. Be led down blind alleys, and along the way discover how to count your Japanese fighting fish (who you named "Lazarus" because he once appeared quite dead) as a dependent.
- Stumble ass-backwards onto the page upon which you can start Step 1 of 14 to change your address.
- Read the little box that says, "For security purposes, we need what you entered in on Line 150 of your 2005 tax return"... as if your SIN, DOB and current Postal Code aren't enough to identify who you are.
- Call your parents, because you don't have your 2005 tax return handy. Get them to dig through all the shit you have in the basement and read the number out to you.
- Type the number in the box on the screen.
- Get an error message saying, "Call our 1-800 number instead."
- Look everywhere for a 1-800 number, and eventually find one.
- See a bright yellow box that brightens your mood because it says, "Hooray, Revenue Canada is open this holiday long weekend!"
- Celebrate a little.
- Call the 1-800 number.
- Get a recording telling you to call a different 1-800 number for address changes.
- Call that 1-800 number.
- Get a recording telling you that, in fact, you can't change your address today, because it's Easter Monday (despite what the bright yellow box told you about being able to do stuff today).
- Throw things around a little.
- Write a blog post describing your experience.
Almost makes me look forward to tax time next year.
At least I'm likely getting a sweet-ass return, though.