Monday, March 05, 2007

I swear I'm going to figure these out.

So, I got my balls checked today.


A bit weaker than three years ago, apparently. And glaucoma-free (thanks to some anaesthetic eyedrops and a blue-lit gizmo pressed against my eyeball.) I picked out frames which suit my larger-than-average (but not quite Ted Kennedy-ish) Irish-sized head, enlisting the help of the comely young lass working behind the counter.

Bravely, I decided I'd take the plunge and ask the optician about contact lenses. I saw on a flyer that they'd let you have five free trial pairs; never having worn contacts before, I wasn't sure if they would change my outlook on life (get it? "Outlook?!") or just be a couple of plastic bits that I jab into my eye every morning.

I never even got that far.

I spent a good ten goddamn minutes in the back room, after the optician showed me the technique, trying to get one of those fucking things on my eye, and I couldn't do it for the life of me. I was almost getting there towards the end, but it kept folding up, or flipping inside-out and sticking to my fingertip instead. Then I realized my parking time was over by 15 minutes and decided to go home.

So, to those of you who wear contacts... how long did it take you to successfully insert them in your eyes the first time? And because my vision isn't that bad (+1.00 in the left, +1.50 in the right; I only really wear glasses for driving at night and occasionally movies/television), is it really worth the hassle? I figure they'd be good for sports, but I find glasses throw my depth perception off a bit and the last thing I need to have, with a baseball whizzing towards my head, is wonky depth-perception.


Lindsay said...

When I first got contacts, I was in high school. I was, as teens are wont to be about things regarding their appearance, desperate to get them, and so was willing to do whatever it took.

I was in the back room for AN HOUR. I was there for a half an hour after the initial tutorial by the optician, and then after my optometrist came to check on me, for another half hour. It was the worst when I got one in (the right) but couldn't get the other in (the left). And THEN, I realized I had to get them OUT!

I remember my optometrist good naturedly laughing at me, informing me that I was kind of trying to throw them into my eyes - I guess I thought I was close enough, but was trying to avoid actually touching my eyeball.

It's a weird and different experience at first, but don't worry - you'll soon be putting them in and taking them out with the best of them.

1) Make sure that when the thing folds in half, or whatever, that it ends up being concave/convex right side out. If it's inside out, it might not look too different (to the untrained eye - I can tell if it's inside out by the way it behaves... the way it folds, the way it curves) but it'll feel effing weird in your eye.
2) Make sure it's good and soaked in that saline solution. Dry contacts (which'll happen if it takes you awhile to get 'em in) hurt, too.
3) Use the pad of your thumb joint (you know where I mean?) to set it out before picking it up with the tip of your (I use my middle) finger. I find this transitional point helps a lot to avoid it folding in half.

You can do it!

chelle said...

I also got my contacts back in highschool, being a dancer and very blind did not go well together - no glasses on stage!

My optometrist has a bit of a different technique for newbies than I've ever seen anyone use, but I still use it since it's what I got comfortable with. I'll jam my fingers into my eyes with the best of them, and even now 10 years later there are mornings when I curse and swear and just can't get them in so don't feel bad.

1) Rinse contact in palm of left hand.
2) Pick up contact with the pad of your middle right finger.
3) I then transfer my contact to my right pointer finger with my left thumb and pointer finger for ideal placement. This is when you double check your contact isn't inside out.
4) Take your left hand and place your palm on your forehead and use your left middle and index fingers to lift up your eyelid by your lashes. Simultaneously, pull down under your eye with your middle finger and insert contact with your pointer finger.

I know most people don't bother lifting up their upper lid, but I find it gives you just that much more surface area.

Good luck!

Hubert said...

Okay, first of all you are a pussy. +1 and +1.5 oh boo hoo1 Try -3.75 and -4.75 bitch! Secondly, you are a farsighted bastard? Well, I'll be...

Yeah I got contacts in high school for football, cuz glasses under the helmet is not good. I had a bitch of a time getting them in back in the day. We are talking at least an hour per eyeball! I got down to a good 30 min each, but I only wore them for sports since I didn't give a fuck what anyone thought. Many a girl would say, "wow you have such beautiful eyes, too bad you were glasses." Fuck you, bitch, glasses don't change a thing. As some people who know me will corroborate, to this day I have a thing for chicks with glasses. They don't care what society says is sexy. I think glasses are.

Anyway, it would take so long getting them in I only used them for sports and eventually I started playing hockey and lacrosse with my glasses underneath the helmet. That is until I got crosschecked in the head in a lacrosse tournament and the back part of the arm dug into my head. I got a concussion; not necessarily from the glasses being there, but I would still play hockey in the position of goalie with my good old Dominic Hasek/Chris Terreri style cage-helmet over the spectacles.

Contacts were the bane of my existence for years. And since I never put them in on a regular basis, it was always a pain in the ass to do it. I wore them so infrequently that I kept the initial one year supply for over 10 years. I shit you not. I would reuse the same ones and put them in solution and maybe use the same pair over a good 8-10 months. When I started playing hockey and broomball more often in Uni, I got quite good at it, so I am sure you will too. I got quite good at determining whether or not they were inside out. It was particularly tough for me to do the left eye, cuz it closes more than the right especially when I am tired. If I didn't get a good night's sleep look out. I used to get to bed early if needed to wear contacts the next day. Holy shit, eh? Anyway, all the advice given by others is great.

I got some new ones in Australia this Christmas so I could go snorkeling and the optician dude said keeping contacts for years and years is not good, cuz they expire. Who knew? Well I got some to last me another 5 or more years. I don't like the idea of disposable ones, but the longer lasting ones are too expensive for the amount of use they would get from me. I hav e only used one pairs so far and that was back in December.

Well, enjoy them, you will either become a pro and wipe them in and out like Superman changing in a phone both, or you will be cursing and swearing to the point of embarrassing the hell outta that possessed chick in the Exorcist.

Eve said...

I never really had a problem. Well, that was a short paragraph.

My only tip is to fill the contact with saline when you put them in (practise this only once you advance to being able to put them in), and put saline on your eyeball before you take them out. Lubrication helps in many areas of one's life, and this is one of them.

Eve said...

Ooh, also, once you get confident enough you can gross people out by wiggling your eyeball around in front of them. I do it to Les and it creeps him right the hell out.