Saturday, February 17, 2007

A wide variety of nothing.

I decided I'd do a little worshipping at the Temple of Consumerism, otherwise known as the Eaton Centre (even though Eaton's went out of business about a decade ago). I had two things to acquire:
  1. A set of guitar strings for my electric

  2. A fitted baseball cap, size 7 3/8", Detroit Tigers, home (i.e., white Olde English "D", not orange)
The Eaton Centre is so gargantuan, so all-encompassing, that it's a tourist destination in its own right. It has four levels, two subway stations, and probably eleven Starbucks outlets. I even passed by a kiosk that sold hair extensions, called "Flhair" (cf. the word "flair"), some of which were of the clip-on (!) variety. So, I figured that my two, everyday, run-of-the-mill items I had to acquire should be a piece of cake.

Whoops! Not so fast.

Guitar Strings

Not one store in the grandiosity that is the Eaton Centre sells musical equipment. Not one! Can you friggin' believe it? I guess they're too full of retailers trying to sell shit to 13-year-old girls. I ended up buying a set at my local music shop.

The Tiger Cap

There's a store on the TTC-level floor that specializes in baseball caps of every conceivable variety, but they only seemed to have caps in the too-small (whose head is 6 3/4", anyway? Not even the late, great Herve Villechaize's head was that miniscule) and the too-big (maybe there's a large demand amongst hydrocephalics for baseball caps). So, I wandered around the mall like Moses in the desert, except Moses was looking for the Promised Land, and I was looking for a hat. Small difference there.

Sport Chek: The most disorganized cap collection I've ever seen. Also, zero selection... unless you want a ridiculous-looking Yankees cap with a black "NY" logo which, against a black background, can't be seen. Hey, idiots! A little contrast there would be a good idea!

Athletes World: If you're looking for baseball caps that say "G-Unit" on them, this is the place to go. But unless G-Unit recently put together a team in the National League, there shouldn't be G-Unit caps sold alongside those of the Houston Astros.

Athletes World Superstore: For being a "superstore," their selection was actually worse than their non-Super counterpart.

Foot Locker: A few caps here and there, but overall disappointing. Also plenty of G-Unit caps... man, I hope I get to see G-Unit in Spring Training this year when I head on down to Florida!

So, I decided to pound the Yonge Street pavement and hit up the multitude of sports apparel shops that line the street, in amongst the Stag Shop and Zanzibar and shady electronics stores. Eventually, on the fourth try, I struck gold at Pro Sports Locker, just north of Gerrard... giant selection, great deal (thirty bucks), and a friendly guy behind the counter. To quote George W. Bush, "Mission Accomplished."

But not without a lot of gnashing-of-teeth first.

God damn I hate shopping.

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